Signs You Are a Mom

 

  1. You go out without the kids and discover you’ve taken the diaper bag! (totally been there, done that)
  2. The mom shoulder! You know…the one that’s covered in drool, snot, and/or jelly!
  3. When looking to buy a purse, it must meet one simple requirement…enough room for bottles, sippy cups, diapers, wipes, diaper rash cream, receiving blanket,a change of clothes, socks, hand sanitizer, the pacifier, scented bags, toys, crayons, snacks, tissues, band-aids, oh yeah and your wallet! (I’d like to ask Mary Poppins where she got her bag!)
  4. You ALWAYS have wipes and hand sanitizer! They’re like American Express…never leave home without them!
  5. You can nurse and wipe another little one’s poopy bottom all at the same time! That’s right, buddy!
  6. It’s four o’ clock and your stomach growls reminding you that while you fed everyone else hours ago, you forgot to feed yourself!
  7. You find sitting in the dentist chair relaxing! You know it’s true…
  8. You check the rear view mirror to check the backseat even when the kids aren’t with you!
  9. You’ve seen the inside of every bathroom in town! (Mommies-to-Be, pregnancy is just preparing you for potty-training!)
  10. Dessert is being served and you’re just starting your appetizer!
  11. You have 4 different kinds of bras: 1) the sexy, lacy “I want to get pregnant” bra  2) the pregnant “oh my I have boobs” bra 3) the “my milk just came in, I’m about to explode” bra and 4) the post-nursing “oh my, where did my boobs GO?!” bra.
  12. You know what it’s like to live in a gated community! =)
  13. Gone are the days of uninterrupted phone conversations!
  14. You become ecstatic at the successful use of an aspirator! (In case you’re wondering what an aspirator is…Ahem! (clearing of throat)…ASPIRATOR- that TORTUROUS contraption used to suck snot out of your poor baby’s nose!)
  15. That dull aching pain in your lower abdomen is your bladder reminding you that you’ve had to go to the bathroom for the last two hours! (It’s amazing what gets put on the back-burner when milk is spilling, diapers are drooping, dinner is burning, and the baby’s crying! =))
  16. You’ve discovered the art of distinguishing the face (and stance) that says, “Leave me alone, Mommy, I’m pooping!”
  17. Quiet was once peaceful…now it means trouble! (especially if you’ve got toddlers…or teens =))
  18. Bodily functions are not nearly as gross as they use to be.  Don’t get me wrong…they’re still gross, but there’s something kind of cute and endearing about a toddler tooting. Don’t believe me? Enjoy the following dialogue…Oh but before we begin, let’s pause for an official message! OFFICIAL MESSAGE: Names (and possibly gender) have been changed below in order to protect the involved party from massive amounts of embarrassment during his/her fragile teenage years. Thank you. =)

Mom:  (in a whisper at the top of the stairs)  “Gracie, come upstairs, please. We need to get you dressed.  We have to be quiet though because Grandma’s sleeping!”

Gracie:  (in a loud declaration at the bottom of the stairs)  “I tooted!”

Mom:  Shhhh!  Sweetheart, we have to be quiet…..

Gracie:  (thinking Mommy must have not heard correctly because SURELY Mommy would have responded with a hearty congratulations or an enthusiastic hooray, Gracie shouts even louder, with more emphasis to announce her great accomplishment)  “I TOOOOOOT-ED!!!”

Mom: (Half smiling, half shaking her head with the knowledge that Grandma is now undoubtedly awake) That’s great, dear…Come on up. (Gracie, feeling affirmed, beams with pride and begins her ascent up the stairs).

See? Cute, right?

19) A relaxing, peaceful shower?  What’s that?!  Now it’s a mad dash to wash and rinse before a child does bodily harm to him/herself…or a beloved sibling!

45 Responses to Signs You Are a Mom

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  2. Ming says:

    oh my… i totally feel for all these! and you know, i gave up trying to keep my handbag and diaper bag separate. that’s why i just buy an enormous one to double up. :P
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    • Mommon Sense says:

      I know…my hubby and I went on a date a couple weeks ago and I actually took a normal sized purse. It’s amazing how much lighter it is when you’re missing the sippy cups, diapers, and wipes! =)

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