It’s My Blog and I’ll Cry If I Want To

I sat with Kenley in the waiting area as Layla finished her dance class. One of the moms commented that when I was away and my husband brought Layla for dance that Kenley wanted him to sit in a particular seat.  Sean couldn’t figure out her obsession with this one chair.

The other mom said it was a little humorous.  She realized it was where I always sit, but of course my husband was unaware of that fact.

Running my fingers through Kenley’s hair, I smiled and replied, “Yeah, she has *strong* opinions and desires.”

And the mom gave me a very knowing look and said,”That’s good. A strong will is good for girls…even if it isn’t good for moms.”

I thought about that throughout the day. See, motherhood has been hard lately.

Just. plain. hard.

My dear little four year old, Layla, and I have been struggling with communicating. And pretty much every interaction seems to be a battle.

Ugh.

Mommon Sense is supposed to be about “becoming a better mom one whoops at a time.” Well, right now I have pockets full of whoopses…and I can’t say I feel like a better mom.

I’m tired…frustrated…and struggling.

The mother’s words this morning didn’t suddenly shower me with all the answers to our current struggles, but they did give me a little perspective. They were a reminder…

I’m not here to break my daughter’s will.

I’m here to nurture it.

I’m here to help her learn how to assert herself, but in a way that’s considerate of others.

It’s by no means an easy challenge and lately my failures seem to greatly outnumber my successes.

But I’m trying.

I’m trying to help an awesome little girl become an awesome woman. And I fully admit I don’t know exactly how to do that.

Time doesn’t suddenly stop for me to figure everything out.  It keeps on going.

So where does that leave me?…

I’m not entirely sure.

For now I’m going to take it one struggle…one prayer…one hug…one meal…one living room dance party…and one afternoon of bubble-blowing at a time.

I have noticed a few things that seem to help…more one on one time, private talks when things aren’t quite jiving, a good night’s sleep for her and for me…and coffee (for me, in case that wasn’t clear).

So today while Kenley napped and I should have been doing laundry, Layla and I sat…held hands…and enjoyed a Ni-Hao Kai-lan together.

Hopefully we can find more moments like this to connect…and just be mommy and daughter.

And the overall takeaway….achieving awesomeness as a mom? Ooph! Not easy.

But to have a daughter who is one day independent, strong, yet gentle…is well worth the labor.

So while I may shed some tears…

Question my every decision…

And find it hard to sometimes see the positive…

I’m not going to give up.

I’m going to get up each morning, (drink my coffee) and do what I can to nurture and love the heck out of these girls!

Because THAT’s how I roll…

Hugs to the rest of you, Mommies, who need ‘em like I do!

~Elizabeth

Proudly Linking Up…

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66 Responses to It’s My Blog and I’ll Cry If I Want To

  1. Mychal B. says:

    Thank you for writing this. Being a mother has been a daily struggle for me, being a good mother has been like mission impossible. Your post gave me a lot to think about and consider, it’s like the step back I needed to take to see the big picture.
    Mychal B. recently posted..Grace Under Pressure? HA!My Profile

  2. Kelly says:

    My daughter was exactly the same way…constantly demanding “Maggie do it!”

    You are doing a great job, mom. The fact that you are recognizing the need for 1 on 1 time puts you way ahead of the game. ;)
    Kelly recently posted..Pushing PauseMy Profile

  3. Heather K says:

    This is beautifully written. I think you put into words here what few other mothers are able to. 4 was a hard age for me to with my oldest. And after talking with my sisters it seems that it has been a hard age for them too with their oldest kids too. My oldest has a very strong will but he is so passionate and I love that. I love how you said that you’re not supposed to break your daughter’s will, just nuture it. Beautiful!

    ~Heather K

  4. Robbie says:

    These are the things that no one tells you about motherhood…or at least no one told me. My son is nearly 11 and it seems we have been stuck in a rough patch for quite awhile. Glad you are finding out some things that make it work.
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  5. Shell says:

    It’s a hard line to walk: the difference between our kids having their own strong opinions and then making sure they listen to adults. I struggle with this.

    Glad you joined in PYHO!
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  6. Patricia says:

    Bravo to you for being open to yourself and your little one, to knowing when to stop and make time for those very special and important moments that will be remembered by both of you for forever and for being a mom who wants your daughter to be all that she is. What a gift!
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  7. Hi! Stopping by for the first time via PYHO

    Great post – I completely understand how you feel. And my approach is the same way too. One struggle at a time…

  8. Kimberly says:

    My son is very strong willed, but sometimes I feel like it’s a very thin line that we walk. I know I need to show him how to assert himself, but I also want him to know boundaries and respect adults.
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  9. Galit Breen says:

    I love this, and get it so very well.

    (And that quote at the top? Is gold.)
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  10. Erin says:

    You are so right . . . being a Mommy is difficult, but it’s a good difficult! Your daughter is so lucky to have a Mommy who is will to preserver no matter what. Keep your head up and keep guiding her to be the wonderful little lady you know and love.
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