I sat with Kenley in the waiting area as Layla finished her dance class. One of the moms commented that when I was away and my husband brought Layla for dance that Kenley wanted him to sit in a particular seat. Sean couldn’t figure out her obsession with this one chair.
The other mom said it was a little humorous. She realized it was where I always sit, but of course my husband was unaware of that fact.
Running my fingers through Kenley’s hair, I smiled and replied, “Yeah, she has *strong* opinions and desires.”
And the mom gave me a very knowing look and said,”That’s good. A strong will is good for girls…even if it isn’t good for moms.”
I thought about that throughout the day. See, motherhood has been hard lately.
Just. plain. hard.
My dear little four year old, Layla, and I have been struggling with communicating. And pretty much every interaction seems to be a battle.
Mommon Sense is supposed to be about “becoming a better mom one whoops at a time.” Well, right now I have pockets full of whoopses…and I can’t say I feel like a better mom.
I’m tired…frustrated…and struggling.
The mother’s words this morning didn’t suddenly shower me with all the answers to our current struggles, but they did give me a little perspective. They were a reminder…
I’m not here to break my daughter’s will.
I’m here to nurture it.
I’m here to help her learn how to assert herself, but in a way that’s considerate of others.
It’s by no means an easy challenge and lately my failures seem to greatly outnumber my successes.
But I’m trying.
I’m trying to help an awesome little girl become an awesome woman. And I fully admit I don’t know exactly how to do that.
Time doesn’t suddenly stop for me to figure everything out. It keeps on going.
So where does that leave me?…
I’m not entirely sure.
For now I’m going to take it one struggle…one prayer…one hug…one meal…one living room dance party…and one afternoon of bubble-blowing at a time.
I have noticed a few things that seem to help…more one on one time, private talks when things aren’t quite jiving, a good night’s sleep for her and for me…and coffee (for me, in case that wasn’t clear).
So today while Kenley napped and I should have been doing laundry, Layla and I sat…held hands…and enjoyed a Ni-Hao Kai-lan together.
Hopefully we can find more moments like this to connect…and just be mommy and daughter.
And the overall takeaway….achieving awesomeness as a mom? Ooph! Not easy.
But to have a daughter who is one day independent, strong, yet gentle…is well worth the labor.
So while I may shed some tears…
Question my every decision…
And find it hard to sometimes see the positive…
I’m not going to give up.
I’m going to get up each morning, (drink my coffee) and do what I can to nurture and love the heck out of these girls!
Because THAT’s how I roll…
Hugs to the rest of you, Mommies, who need ‘em like I do!
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